Two Tickets and a Dream for Both You and Me.

Nov 27

I wish my eyes and smile showed more happiness in them, but overall, I really like this picture of us (:

(4) I am a 三日坊主

Unfortunately, I am a mikka bouzu. Mikka bouzu means “three-day monk” in Japanese. It is a saying where a person strive with enormous enthusiasm and motivation towards a goal but burns out early (3 days) and quit. I have always started things with big ideals and promises with dreams of improving myself but I never can seem to continue them for more than 3 days.

Thanksgiving Break

Gah, it will be 3 weeks tomorrow since the last time I posted on tumblr and since then, many exciting things have happened.

Last weekend, from November 18 to 20, I went to Santa Barbara with Matthias and his family to watch Amador marching band’s final competition. I had an amazing time hanging with matthias (who I haven’t seen for a year), his parents, and grandparents. During that trip, I was able to see how a loving father behaves around his children in which my father could never act or be as. I was able to see how strong a mother should be and what true partnership in marriage should be like. I’m glad I was able to see a good family that was able to raise good children. It renewed my faith in marriage and possibly (maybe) wish that I can find something as beautiful as that.

I didnt bomb my test as I thought I would because of having too much fun during that weekend. I switched lab groups and got to learn more about my other classmates. We later went to lunch with another lab group and then later I ended up watching a movie with RJ and Brittany (both who I can be comfortable with).

The next day, I had a date with Jacob. It was hard but fun because he’s an international student so I learned alot of new things about korea but sometime communicating was hard. Its been awhile since I went to a date because I usually flatout reject them but it was a nice change of pace.

Surprisingly, Thanksgiving wasn’t too terrible. My father wasn’t allowed to act like himself because we had guests over, which meant a peaceful thanksgiving. I can not express how much I hate thanksgiving because of my father. The next day, my osanajimi (childhood friend) and his mother surprised my family with a visit. It has been two years since I last saw them since they now live in Oregon so that was a pleasant day. His father and two sisters joined them later in day, and the children played games while the adults drank wine. I missed those kids alot.

Nov 6

[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

When you try your best, but you don’t succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can’t sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can’t replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

(3) M and B

I smile and feel that happy gooey feeling (like an warm egg cracked over my heart and spreads throughout my body) when M messages me but my heart still races for when I talk with B. But I know that it will never amount to anything because somehow I became so resolved and focus on this one fact: as long as I have M, I don’t need anyone else.

I don’t know how to explain this but i guess.. if I were to say I love you to M, I would know that I would still be able to say it 10 years+ from now and still mean it the same way. I will never chase after a relationship but only for M would I do anything to keep what we have.

And if a person was born into this world for the sole purpose of finding a special someone, I hope that M would be mine but I also hope that M had a different special someone that can truly love him unconditionally because thats what he deserves. I just want to wish you only the very best of the best.

Nov 5

(2) Today

is a cold windy day. It is already 2:30 and all I have been doing is….nothing really. But I am planning to.. listen to some podcasts, dance a little, sing some more, take a shower, drink hot water (because I drank too much coffee already haha), review some med terms, and finish up the night reading chem and zoo. Maybe i’ll skype with my homeboys which I haven’t done in awhile.

(1) No Regrets

I put all the previous post on private so that one day I can look back at them and realize how I felt about things when I look back at all what happened- of the good, the bad and the days that flew by in a blink of an eye. Originally this blog was for the countdown until the day that I was going to move out and transfer to a real college but now that I decided to postpone it for another year and a half, I suppose I need to find a new purpose. Although my parents were initially disappointed with this news, I’m sure they understand since I told them that I don’t regret my decision. Sure, I may miss a lot on real college experiences like I did with high school but October treated me extremely well and gave me many opportunities to find out what I really want to do with my life. October gave me a goal, and I don’t mind sacrificing time and experiences in order to achieve it.